The Time Traveller with the Extraordinarily Big Forehead

A fanfiction written by Hannah, a reader of the wikicast, at the request of Simon and Dan. Despite containing a level of smut between the two hosts being present in the story, they still read each chapter out for the enjoyment of readers. This 'smut' was the inspiration for the song Lil Lad - The Real Slim Lad by Simon's Beard.

The title is often misquoted by Simon Clark and Dan Maw as 'The Time Traveler with the Extraordinarily *Large* Forehead'. This is incorrect, disrespectful, and infuriates the author.

Chapter 1:
It started to rain as he was walking down the streets of Exeter. Looking at his phone while rain drops landed on its screen, Simon noticed that he’d been working on his PhD for much longer than he anticipated which was something that was happening a lot lately, mainly because he didn't really have anything else to do, besides sitting around, playing video games, watching movies or series and occasionally going for a run. Sure, he had a girlfriend but she was away for work over Christmas and New Year’s Eve so he’d have to spend the holidays alone as well. Usually, he loved putting up Christmas decoration and buying presents for his loved ones but especially the latter was quite hard this year because there was simply no one who would appreciate his efforts. He reached his apartment, searched for his keys and stepped into the empty flat. Technically, it was big enough for two people but since his last flatmate moved out after he graduated, he’d lived alone. Usually he didn't really have a problem with that but recently, he’d been feeling lonely a lot. When he went into the living room, he saw his sports gear and suddenly felt the need to go for a run. He put the shirt, pants and shoes on, grabbed his keys and his phone and left the apartment. It was October so it had already gotten quite dark outside. The weather was perfect for a run, he thought, it wasn't too cold and he didn’t really mind the light rain. He looked at the landscape beside him, impressed by the beauty of the trees, small rivers and the light of the buildings of Exeter in the background. He was so caught up in his thoughts that he almost got a heart attack when he heard a very soft but frightening noise, coming out of the small forest to his right side. At first, he thought he’d only imagined it but then he heard it again, a little bit louder and more clearly than before. When he heard the noise for the third time, he was certain. It was definitely a sound coming from a human, or at least something human-like. He was frightened but he still stopped and thought about what he should do. The smart option would probably be to keep running and ignore it but what if someone needed help? What if it was a kid? Maybe they were injured? After a few seconds had passed, he finally found the courage to go into the woods and search for whatever it was that made these noises. He didn’t happen to carry a flashlight so the light coming from his phone had to be enough. After a few minutes of searching, he’d almost given up when he suddenly heard the noise again but this time, it was only a few meters away, he was sure of that. Still hoping that whatever he was going to find wouldn’t be human, he slowly moved in the direction it came from. When he passed a few more trees, he saw something laying on the ground, partially covered by some leaves, but as he moved towards it, Simon noticed that the “something” was rather a “someone”, wearing clothes that looked like they were from the 19th century. They were torn and dirty, so he couldn't really tell but it was definitely not something anyone would wear today. The person in front of him wasn't moving so he carefully converged towards them and kneeled down to get a closer look. Exactly as he'd imagined he was looking at a human, a young man around the age of 18, he'd guess. He had slightly curled brown hair which was wet and quite pale skin which was covered in mud, just like his clothes which were in fact very extraordinary. Very slowly, he reached out and softly touched the man's throat to check for his pulse. It didn't seem to be very stable but at least he could feel something. Just when he wanted to remove his hand again, the young man opened his eyes and in the very moment Simon looked into these brown eyes, he knew that he was up for some weird stuff, yet he had no idea of what was about to begin.

Chapter 2:
Daniel had almost given up hope, still not knowing what just happened to him, when he suddenly heard footsteps in the forest he`d been lying in for what felt like an eternity to him. Hoping that these footsteps belonged to someone coming to help him, he tried to scream but all he could create was a quiet noise. Even though he didn`t really believe that the person could hear him, he attempted to make the stranger notice him because maybe, this would be his last chance to be rescued. He was heavily injured and quite sure that he wouldn`t get out of whatever this weird situation was if nobody would turn up to help him. Still thinking about how he`d ended up in these circumstances, he heard that the person was slowly walking in his direction and after using the tiny bit of energy Daniel had left to scream for help one last time, he fainted.

When he became conscious again, he felt something touching his throat. At first, he couldn`t identify what it was but after a few seconds, he was sure that someone was checking for his pulse and quickly opened his eyes while trying to lift his head so he could get a better view of the person sitting on the ground in front of him. It was a young man in his late twenties, he guessed, who looked quite normal, except for the clothes he was wearing. Never before had he seen such extraordinary trousers. They were rather skinny and ended above his knees, unlike the knickers he would`ve worn for a sporting event or for hunting, which was probably what the man was doing in the forests while it was dark. The shirt he was wearing fit his pants, except for the stripes on its sides, in colours so bright that he began to wonder where one could find clothes like this. The strange outfit also didn`t include a collar, a hat, a tie or proper shoes which was very inappropriate in his opinion. He also didn`t wear any kind of vest or coat but didn’t seem to be freezing, even though it was quite cold outside as winter was approaching.

Wondering about the man`s clothes, Daniel had almost forgotten about the circumstances he was in but suddenly, he was brought back to reality as he heard the man talking to him.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

Daniel began to wonder even more about this extraordinary stranger. He was quite sure the man was speaking English but he had no idea what “okay” was supposed to mean.

“I asked if you were alright,” the man said while looking at him with a mixture of fear and something he couldn`t identify in his eyes.

“What… How…” Daniel attempted to ask something without even knowing what he was going to say. He noticed that the stranger had somehow removed the tree trunk he was trapped under, still wondering how he even got there.

“Do you need an ambulance? Should I call 911?” Simon asked again.

“What… Whom?” He was still very confused about the words this man was using. Even though Daniel was very well educated, he had never heard these words before. He tried to remember what had happened before he woke up in this forest but it seemed like his memory had been erased completely. Again, he tried to lift his head but the moment his muscles contracted, he felt intense pain in his spine. He also attempted to move other parts of his body and discovered that his arms and legs were fine but his head was hurting very badly. He hadn`t eaten anything in more than a day and also didn`t happen to carry any water so his throat felt extremely dry which made talking a lot harder.

“Some… some water would be great.” he responded, hoping that the stranger would understand him.

“Okay, but first, do you think you`re able to stand?” the man asked.

“I… I believe that`s possible.” Daniel whispered and the man bended over to help him get up.

Chapter 3:
(Please excuse the missing logic in this story but if Simon had just called an ambulance, it would have been very boring.)

On their way to his flat, Simon found out that the weird man`s name was “Daniel Maw” and he didn`t seem to remember anything that happened before the accident, which wasn`t entirely true. Even though Daniel didn`t say anything, he became even more confused when they walked past a street which was almost empty, except for a few very bright lights he`d never seen anywhere before and some vehicles that were similar to the phaetons* which some rich families in his neighbourhood possessed. Everything looked very futuristic and as the two men were walking along the dark streets outside of Exeter, he tried to reconstruct his memories. The last thing he could remember was a strange woman in a purple robe, the bright light which seemed to become brighter and brighter and then… No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn`t recall what happened next. The only thing he knew for sure right now was that this weirdly dressed man had saved him from a horrible fate. His back started to feel better and when they reached the flat and he could drink something, he was sure that he didn`t have any serious injuries. Simon left the room to get something to treat the grazes on Daniel`s arms and legs so he walked around a bit, still trying to figure out which extraordinary situation he`d landed in.

When Daniel took a look at a newspaper which was lying on a small, wooden table, he saw that the date was October 15th, which didn`t surprise him, until he noticed that the year was 2016. Again, he tried really hard to recall his memories but the gaps were just too big for him to figure out what had happened.

Simon came back with something called “sanitizer” in one hand and a few plasters in the other one. Daniel didn`t know for sure what to do with the clear liquid in the small plastic bottle but it smelled like alcohol so he guessed that it was made to avoid infections. When the man who was the reason that was still alive started to care for his wounds, he got a closer look at him for the first time. His eyes were a rather dark kind of brown, mixed with a little bit of green. His face was very friendly, even though his jawline made him seem masculine, especially because of the small beard which built a nice contrast to the smile

which hadn`t left his face for more than a few seconds for the past 30 minutes. His brown hair fit his eyes and only now, Daniel noticed that he was quite handsome. Very handsome, in fact. So handsome that he wanted to…

“So, this should be okay for now.” Simon said, pointing at the plasters covering Daniel`s wounds. “You can stay overnight if you want to, there`s an empty bedroom upstairs. I`ll get you a mattress, wait a second.”

He left the room and when Daniel realized what he`d been thinking about, he felt ashamed, almost guilty. He knew that he shouldn`t have this kind of thoughts about men but from time to time, one of them just slipped his mind and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He`d already gotten into trouble so many times because of this little problem, he really didn`t want to risk anything because right now, he was just glad that he was alive so he tried to banish these thoughts from his mind.

Simon came downstairs again, carrying a pile of towels and folded clothes so Daniel could get out of these dirty clothes that didn`t seem very comfortable. Still wondering why he just trusted the weird stranger, he gave him the shirt and the sweatpants (what do you call them in British?) and told Daniel where the bathroom was so he could go and take a shower. When Daniel entered the bathroom, he was incredibly impressed but also very confused. Everything was so clean and there was hot, running water in the bathtub. He filled it, took his clothes off and sank into the comfortably warm water. Slowly, the thoughts about this kind, handsome man came back and this time, he didn`t fight them.

* that`s an “ancestor” of what we call a car

Chapter 4:
When he woke up the next morning, Daniel was very confused about where he was but the second he opened his eyes, turned around and took a look at the room he had been sleeping in, he remembered the accident (if that is what you may call it), the friendly and handsome yet weird stranger and the fact that he still hadn't found out anything about the strange circumstances he’d somehow gotten himself into. When he saw a clock on the wall, he realized that it was almost lunch time so he figured he should get up and go downstairs to thank the stranger for letting him stay the night and then... Well, actually, Daniel had no idea what he should do next but staying in this bedroom wouldn't bring him closer to finding answers for sure. Simon was standing in the kitchen, preparing a nice brunch for him and Daniel when he heard the young man coming down the stairs. Usually, he didn't have any time for things like this but he would still be able to work on his thesis when there wasn't a confused stranger in his flat, Simon thought. “Good morning”, he said when Daniel entered the kitchen. “Good morning, thank you for letting me stay here over night”, he mumbled in response, still a little sleepy but mainly trying to fight the thoughts about how handsome this man was. He'd shaved so he looked a little younger, giving him a nice, soft look. Oh, what he would do to be able to touch these cheeks...

“Do you want eggs or pancakes?” Simon asked while placing a pan on a black surface and turning a switch on. “I... I think I would prefer eggs.”, Daniel stuttered nervously, feeling embarrassed even though he know that no one could read his mind... hopefully. When they sat down to eat, Simon noticed that he still barely knew anything about the stranger, including why he’d thought it would be a good idea to let him stay at his house. He watched the boy while eating and wondered what would be the right thing to do next. Kick him out? But he couldn't just let someone in these conditions sleep on the street, especially not in October. Also, he had become weirdly attached to Daniel. Maybe it was just that he missed having a flat mate or maybe it was Daniel's mysterious aura. Whatever the reason was, he knew, he couldn't just kick him out. Sometime later, after they had finished their meals and were cleaning the dishes, Simon had found out that Daniel had spent some years of his life in Australia and graduated last summer. His plans were to go to university and study English. “So, how did you end up in that forest?” Simon asked, looking curiously at him. “I...” stuttered Dan, uncertain what he should say, “I honestly don't know.” Telling the truth would probably be the best option, he figured, because even if he didn't know where (or rather when) he was, there was one thing he was sure about. He had to find a way to get back there. So he breathed in and out calmly, trying to bring up the courage to tell the story, or at least the parts he could remember. “I'm... from... I am...” he started to feel his throat becoming dry while small drops of sweat formed on his forehead. He wished he'd just made up something and tried to escape as quickly as possible but now, he had brought himself into this situation and there was no going back. He breathed in once more, closed his eyes, focussed on that one sentence he had to say while Simon looked at him curiously. One sentence. That was all it would take. So he tried not to think about the consequences his actions might have and finally, after a few second which seemed like hours, he opened his mouth and whispered: “I'm a time traveller.”

Chapter 5:
Simon dropped the plate he had been cleaning. It shattered on the kitchen floor but he barely noticed. He just stood in the kitchen, speechlessly looking at Daniel while trying to form a clear thought. He had to be lying, right? Time travelling wasn`t possible and this weird man was just confused so there was no reason to believe a single word he said. But somehow, deep down, Simon knew that the stranger was serious about this and that he had to believe him, or else…

“Sir… Sir?” Daniel asked, almost whispering. Why did he think this was a good idea? This kind man had to think he was insane and he couldn`t even blame him for it. What did he think was going to happen? He didn`t find an answer to the question how he would`ve reacted if someone had just thrown this sentence at him.

“I`m just gonna…” Simon took a few careful steps backwards, trying not to cut his feet on any pieces of the broken plate, “I`m just gonna clean this up.”

He left the kitchen to get a brush. He felt overwhelmed, partly because there was a man claiming to be a time traveller standing in his kitchen but there was more to it. For some reason, he just knew that Daniel wasn`t lying, he could feel it. Simon wasn`t able to figure out exactly how he did, but that wasn`t important because he could also sense great danger when he looked into the young man`s eyes. He`d had this feeling before, not just in the moment he`d found the stranger in the forest. For his entire life, he`d felt like he was particularly good at figuring out what other people thought, felt or wanted. Even though this ability had been of good use throughout his life, he never thought of it as something special or unique. He just assumed that he was a little more sensitive than most other people but he wasn`t so sure about that now.

What if… What if it was some kind of super power? Okay, he was exaggerating a bit but maybe, Simon actually had this special ability that other humans didn`t have. Assuming that Daniel was telling the truth, the existence of something like that would probably not surprise him too much.

He went back into the kitchen, determined to find out more about the stranger`s history.

“So, how did you end up here? I… I mean “now”?”

“You don`t think I`m insane?” Daniel asked, feeling more relieved than ever before. He didn`t even want to imagine what would`ve happened if Simon had called the police.

“I believe you. For now.”

“My name is Daniel Maw, I was born in 1857 and I´m 18 years old. My father is a doctor but he… I haven’t lived with him for the last five years. We`ve never really had a good relationship so I`m living with my aunt and cousins now. We don`t have a lot of money but at least we have a place to live and I don`t have to starve or freeze to death in a corner of some street in London. My father lives there and all the diseases he used to talk about sounded horrible. But like most doctors, he only treats rich people. He`s a very expensive doctor so the poor people aren`t able to afford seeing him. Most of them just die, it`s frightening to even think about it.” His voice started to shiver.

Simon was listening being shocked, yet interested.

“What about your mother?”

“She died during…” The young man started tearing up. “She died while giving birth to me. My father… he still blames me for killing her, he thinks that I`m cursed, he thinks that`s the reason…”

He started sobbing, unable to hold back his tears any longer. Without finishing his sentence, he started to cry uncontrollably. For a few seconds, Simon just stood next him, not sure what to do but then, he wrapped his arms around the tiny stranger and gently started petting his soft hair. Daniel rested his head against his saviour`s chest, finally feeling safe again in his

strong arms. The two men remained like this and for a moment, the world didn`t feel like such a bad place anymore.

What Simon and Dan didn`t know was that soon, this feeling would be nothing but a memory of a time that seemed so far away that they could do nothing but look back on it and wonder if they would ever be able to feel this way again.

Chapter 6:
Simon couldn´t fall asleep that night. He was lying in bed restlessly, a million different thoughts crossing his mind. He´d had a long conversation with Daniel this evening and got to know him a lot better than he did before. Even though Simon was sure the stranger – who wasn´t so much of a stranger anymore – was telling the truth, he could feel that Daniel was hiding something when it came to the reason his parents had kicked him out of the house for but he didn´t want to upset the young man even more. He´d been through enough for the past few days and there was probably a good reason he kept this from Simon who just hoped the not-so-stranger would be okay. He seemed to be in pretty bad shape before going to bed after the long conversation the two of them had previously had. Simon started feeling tired and had almost fallen asleep when he heard a quiet knock on the door of his room. He was immediately awake and almost scared to death until he remembered that Daniel was kind of living in his flat now because he couldn't just kick the young man out and let him live on the streets, right? But he'd have to think about that some other time because he got up and quickly opened the door to find the quite short man standing in front of him, wearing a shirt and pants that looked almost ridiculous because they belonged to Simon and were far too loose for the tiny body Daniel had. “Sir...”, Daniel said, trying to stop his voice from shaking. “What's up?”, Simon responded, still wide awake from the shock he had just experienced. “I... I was having nightmares so I can't sleep. I was wondering if I...” Simon interrupted him: “Sure, come in, it's fine.” Awkwardly, Dan followed him into the room which contained a desk with some black machine on it, a chair, a closet, some shelves and the bed the two men were now sitting on. There was an uncomfortable silence and both of them could feel the tension building up until Simon finally disrupted it by carefully putting a hand on his back and asking him if he was alright. “I’m in fact feeling much better now.” Daniel answered, his voice still shivering a bit, not because he was scared but because of Simon’s hand on his back. Unable to hold back the longing for closeness, he slowly leaned towards the tall man until his head reached Simon’s broad shoulder. There was a moment of hesitation but a few seconds later, Daniel found himself in strong arms, finally feeling warm and safe again. The two of them laid down on the bed, still hugging closely. Dan turned around, now facing Simon, feeling a breeze from his breath touching his cheeks. “Is this okay?” the tall man asked the tiny one, still not sure what it was he was feeling in this situation. “Very okay.” Locking eyes, the two brought their faces closer together and just before their lips touched, Daniel remembered why he was here and now and that he should not be doing this but he banished these thoughts from this head and focussed only on the handsome man who was lying in bed with him. Finally, they brought their faces a little closer together and their lips touched softly. Simon thought about pulling back for a moment or two but then decided to enjoy moment and not think about the consequences his actions may have. The kiss became more intense and the tiny man ran his hand

through his hair and gently touched Simon's back after he'd removed his shirt. After some time, Daniel did the same so he could feel the tall man's heartbeat when he touched his muscular chest. Pulling Dan on top of him, Simon laid down on his back without parting their lips. The tiny man started breathing heavily which turned him on even more. He took Daniel’s pants off and threw them on the floor, followed by his own ones. Only wearing their boxers, they were still making out almost furiously but Daniel still couldn't quite stop thinking about the reason he didn't want to sleep in his room tonight. The nightmare story hadn't been completely made up but it was definitely missing some important pieces of the truth... Even though the recent events were troubling, he didn't want to worry about them right now and when Simon carefully removed the tiny man's underwear, he focussed only on the present and started moaning quietly when Simon started kissing his neck, his chest and then slowly continued to move downwards...

Chapter 7:
The next morning, Simon woke up and for a moment thought he´d just had a very confusing dream until he remembered what had happened the night before. Still keeping his eyes closed, hoping reality would become a little bit less real, he carefully spread his arms to see if Daniel was still lying in his bed. Luckily, he seemed to be alone and now slowly blinked, noticing that the sun had already risen and was now shining onto his bed where, less than twelve hours ago, he… No, Simon didn´t even want to think about what had happened the previous night.

But where was Daniel? A part of him hoped the mysterious young man had left the flat and he´d never have to think about him again but the part that was worried what might happen to a time traveller from another century on the streets of modern Exeter outweighed the embarrassed part so Simon, still moving slowly, got up, opened the door to the hallway and quietly went downstairs to the living room where he found Daniel sitting on the couch, looking at a newspaper as if it was some kind of magical item and not just a piece of paper containing the more or less important events of the previous week.

To Dan on the other hand, it was absolutely fascinating. It technically told him what was going to happen in the future, even though this future was already history but… Suddenly, he startled because he heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs behind him. Obviously, it was only Simon who had woken up but Daniel was still scared of every noise or movement in the shadows behind doors or in dark corners and, to his defence, he had every reason to be frightened when he remembered what had happened last night, before he went to Simon´s room where they… He didn´t even want to think about that right now, or ever again. How could he act in such an unprofessional manner when there was great danger just waiting to get revenge on him?

Suddenly, there was a loud bang followed by the noise of shattering glass and the living room was filled with dark, purple smoke. While Daniel just sat on the couch, scared to move or even breathe, Simon jumped backwards and pressed his body against the wall behind him. When the smoke had almost entirely vanished, the two men could see a creature which seems to neither have a solid shape, nor a face like anything they´d encountered before in their lives. When it slowly began to move towards Daniel, not touching the ground as if gravity didn´t have any effect on it, Simon started screaming in fear, trying to make the young man get away from the creature but Dan didn´t move. He knew these things and even though their appearance never had good consequences, they themselves were completely harmless. Their job was usually to deliver messages, not rarely containing threats, to targets of the cult they belonged to.

The creature started to speak and Daniel quickly turned around to Simon to give him a sign to be quiet.

“We… We´re coming to get you… There´s no way to escape once the last ray of light from the moon has left the night sky and planet earth prepares for yet another rotation around the devil’s golden eye and you, my friend will be stuck forever between the ticking of the clocks which create the miracle of life, but after making it go on for some time, recklessly destroy their creations which is what we should´ve done with you a long, long time ago…”

The strange creature backed away from Daniel and slowly disappeared through the wall, leaving behind a shivering Simon and Dan who was still unable to move.

“What… bloody hell… I… what was that?” Simon whispered, still shivering.

“I´ve heard of them before” Daniel answered with a mix of different expressions that Simon couldn´t quite understand on his face. “I know that they´re some kind of omen, usually not a good one. I just can´t recall their name but they belong to a group of people believed to be wizards and witches that live next to the river” he thought out loud but quickly corrected himself. “Lived, I guess, I can´t quite believe that this” he vaguely pointed at his surroundings “is actually real. This isn’t a situation I ever planned to be in so I´m just as clueless as you.”

“Well, if they´re actually serious about this, we definitely need a plan.” Simon responded.

“I might have something in mind… Do you happen to possess a map of Great Britain?”

The two men spent all evening planning and researching information on the internet which fascinated Dan more than anything he´d seen before and in the end, they came up with an idea that sounded just crazy but also happened to be the only chance they would get to prevent that the most certainly dangerous people from the past and their plans succeeded.